This is week 23, and I have been so convicted.
I get these freak out moments (which I’m sure is true of all new mommies) where I have a spaz attack because I’m not perfect yet and somehow I am supposed to raise a responsible and respectful human being! It is truly terrifying when I look at my faults and the faults I’ve seen in generations before me, and when I look at what the world is like for children today – what was I thinking? My fears fill me up completely – I am surely going to raise a hurtful, fire-tongued child who is selfish and seeks only for himself, since that is who I am so much of the time!
Then I remember Grace. It isn’t a person. Oh, praise God for Grace! For without it, I am simply doing, doing, doing everything I can to earn perfection and to earn God’s favor. Ah, but Grace says to me the truth of the gospel: it is done, done, done! I am living in the freedom of Grace! I can live in the joy of forgiveness! Guilt doesn’t have to define me when I struggle in my still-sinful ways! What a blessing that of all the things that are wrong with me, there is one that is right – my trust in Christ! And it is all I need.
Oh praise, praise to God for this wonderful Grace! I understand so much better the words of John Newton, who, as a former slave owner, wrote incredible words about forgiveness (which he must have understood that he needed!):
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see!
Oh Lord, help me in these last few months of preparation to seek You! Help me to live by your grace every day and extend that grace to my child when he comes to this world!